NHSLS Reflections and Takeaways

It's hard (for me) to believe that the last time I visited New Hampshire, for their annual school library conference, it was 2015. That conference was memorable to me, for lots of reasons, but chief among them was the introduction I received from Susan Ballard. Not only did Susan write (and sing!) a song for the occasion, but her intro also included a reference to Madame DeFarge (from A Tale of Two Cities) as well as a reference to ME as an "ingenue." I mean... c'mon! It probably goes without saying, but I will never forget that moment.

So... when this year's conference committee asked if I wanted to return to give the opening keynote. (plus a couple of other sessions!) I was delighted to say yes — not only do I have wonderful memories from my last trip to NH, but returning exactly ten years later felt symbiotic. But also, there's this: if I am being honest, lately I've been feeling a little lost. While I have plenty of work to keep me busy, and I'm constantly inspired by the people I get to work with, that voice in my head, (you know the one), that tries to convince me that I have nothing to offer and that my work doesn't matter, has been a little louder lately.

And I think I know why.

As our world grows more and more divided — with so many of us "taking sides" based on increasingly polarized beliefs, I find my own sense of worth and authenticity being eroded. Growing political attacks on the very institutions I've devoted my entire adult life to aren't helping. After all, if society can question, or even dismiss, the value of libraries, literacy and intellectual freedom, why shouldn't I question the value of my own contributions? Objectively, I know this is just imposter syndrome. And I know that the voice in my head is a liar. What's more, I know that there are people and groups out there who benefit from me feeling defeated. Still... on an emotional level, it's all just felt really heavy and overwhelming.

For a long time, I mistook imposter syndrome for introversion. To be clear, I am very introverted. But imposter syndrome is a different thing. Over the years, I've learned that imposter syndrome can result from a variety of circumstances. Overly competitive or hypercritical environments (be they classrooms, workplaces or family structures) can trigger imposter syndrome. Internalized systemic biases or negative media messaging can trigger imposter syndrome, too. For me, that voice, (which RuPaul refers to as his "inner saboteur") is primarily a trauma response that is exacerbated by:

• social media

  • constantly comparing myself unfavorably to others, AND...

  • feeling as though other people are constantly judging me unfavorably

• the growing cacophony of negative messaging about aspects of my identity

Sound familiar?

Even as I type this out, I can almost see many of you nodding your heads as you read along. Additionally. the irony that my own inner saboteur has been especially loud recently — just as I prepared to travel to New Hampshire to deliver a keynote on imposter syndrome — is not lost on me. In fact, I thought about canceling several times in the lead up to the conference. But I'm so glad I didn't. Not only did being in community with library people prove to be an antidote to my own imposter syndrome, but the connection I felt, as a result of talking about it openly, only confirmed that many others needed this conversation, too.

It might surprise you to learn that the first version of the keynote I shared at NHSLS this year was created for librarians in Hawaii - a state (like so many others) where retiring, degreed school librarians are increasingly being replaced by classified staff or, in some cases, classroom teachers with no library experience and no requirement to get any. And while I have a lot to say about these choices (some of which might surprise you!) one consequence I've noticed is that it leaves practitioners who have studied librarianship, earned advanced degrees and become masters at their craft doubting the value of their expertise and experience. That said, even though I started thinking about imposter syndrome and librarians in the context of what's happening in Hawaii, I soon realized that these feelings aren't unique to one district, region or even type of librarian. Our world is a ripe breeding ground for all sorts of mental health challenges — imposter syndrome is just one.

With that in mind, before I start sharing some resources, it feels important for me to underscore something else that I address in my keynote: self-care. While I believe deeply in the value of self-care, we can't "self-care" our way out of the current slew of crises librarianship faces as a profession. What's more, I'm really sick of people in power using self-care to gaslight those who need help. Self-care can't replace actual support. And, y'all... librarians need our support now more than ever. So, yes, care for your heart. Set reasonable boundaries. Develop a healthy relationship with social media. Do all the self-care things AND also ask for the support you need. Don't allow those who are in a position to support you use self-care to justify their choice not to. We can't afford to allow self-care to become the "thoughts and prayers" of library/education policy and legislation.

BRAVE INSTEAD OF PERFECT

One new thing I've added to this keynote is a question around the words/phrases our own inner saboteurs whisper in our ears. Using the tool Slido.com (which I love but have no affiliation with!) I ask participants to help me create a word cloud to illustrate what imposter syndrome can sound like. Here's the results from NHSLS:

Truth be told, as this word cloud began to generate, live, in front of hundreds of librarians, I found myself wondering if this activity was a mistake. After all, this collection of negative messaging is pretty depressing! And while imposter syndrome can be a heavy topic, I wanted to be sure I could lift the group back up once we acknowledged this shared experience. I was still reflecting on this, after the keynote, when several people approached to thank me for including the word cloud! One person said, "knowing that so many other people sometimes feel the same way I do was so validating."

One way that I try to balance the heaviness of acknowledging how imposter syndrome affects both our personal and professional lives, is by giving away a bunch of books as I share my own journey as a library kid and adult. This list changes as my talk evolves (I update it for every group!) but here's a peek at some of the books I gave away in New Hampshire. And here are my slides.

MY NHSLS SESSIONS

I facilitated two other sessions at NHSLS, but I'm only sharing one of those slide decks. Here's the title/description of the first session.

Developing Digital Detectives: Next Generation News & Information Literacy

In this fun interactive session, we tackle what is arguably the most important work of our time: evaluating information to determine what’s been designed to inform vs what’s been designed to influence, fool or even harm us. With an emphasis on the overlap between Information Literacy and Social Emotional Learning, participants will walk away from this session with practical tips for getting started tomorrow along with a recognition of the ethical imperatives driving this work. The road ahead is long and difficult, and our students need guides along the way. Jennifer has built this session to be your map and compass. Let’s get started!

And here's the slide deck.

I'm not ready to share the slides from the second session, because this content is part of a larger project that I'm keeping topic secret for now. But here's the title/description of that session.

Media Mindfullness: Using Picture Books to Help Learners (of ALL AGES) Navigate Their Hyper Connected Lives

Today’s students live in “highly mediated worlds where information, entertainment, and persuasion are delivered to them through the many screens of daily life.” [NCTE 2022] While tools and technology evolve at a rapid pace, human behavior remains predictable. That said, with their mental health increasingly tied to how they consume information, helping learners foster healthy relationships with their devices feels more urgent than ever. In this fun, interactive session we will unpack how our complex information landscape capitalizes on our emotions to increase engagement while also exploring practical strategies for using picture books (with learners of all ages!) to foster media mindfulness: a new twist on information literacy that applies the principles of mindfulness to our hyperconnected lives.

Finally, this should probably without saying, but just in case... FYI: these slide decks are view only. Options for downloading your own copy have been disabled. While you're more than welcome to view and share them, I don't allow others to adapt and edit them.

MORE NHSLS GRATITUDE

Although there is definitely not a one size fits all solution to imposter syndrome, and other mental health struggles that affect our self-worth, I find that gratitude is often a balm for my heart during dark times. With that in mind, here are a few other things (big and small) from my time in New Hampshire, that I continue to be grateful for.

I'm particularly grateful for the time I spent with my friend of over 30 years who drove up from Boston to have dinner with me at a restaurant our waitress claimed was haunted. William and I met in (approx) 1993 — when we both attended the teacher prep program at UNCW. There's a lot I could say here, but I'll keep it brief. In my experience, it takes a special kind of friendship to endure long absences and great distances. Also, I love this photo because we both look grumpy and confused — which, frankly, is totally on brand.

Whenever I travel, I try to locate a nearby Starbucks that opens at the crack-o-dawn. Although I am not really a morning person, I like to start travel days as early as possible with a cup or two of ambition (prepared in a way that I am familiar with) while I work. I'm grateful for the Starbucks in Concord, NH that opened at 4:30am and where I spent many early morning hours getting ready for my day. The occasional smiley face drawn in Sharpie on my cup was a nice touch, too!

Finally. I'm so grateful for the kind and thoughtful gift I received from Susan Ballard shortly after I returned home from New Hampshire. I will always treasure this beautiful coffee table book, all about the history and enduring impact of the Little Golden Book series, along with the lovely note Susan included. These special goodies feel like icing on top of an already perfect cake. Thank you!

I'm immensely grateful for the time I got to spend with everyone who attended NHSLS. I hope I don't have to wait 10 more years to visit again.

🎶 BETWEEN SESSIONS

As an extremely introverted person, when I'm at a conference, I often wear headphones between sessions. Not only do they cancel out the surrounding noise, but they also afford me the opportunity to wrap myself in something familiar: music. If we're ever at a conference together and you see me wandering around with headphones on, this doesn't mean you can't say hello to me. It does mean, however, that I might not hear you when you call my name, so don't be afraid to give me a wave or tap me on the shoulder, too. For anyone who might be interested, here's my current go-to playlist.